Loved once and will love again
by TheGirlWhoWillFall
Summary: He cut his pale skin, the warm blood seeping out. it used to hurt but now together they'll make it through somehow... Sherlock had been hurt before but with John by his side, he'll learn to let go and love freely again... Warning: self-harm suicide attempt and emotional Sherlock! used to be 'it used to hurt but together we'll make it better'.
1. Chapter 1

Sherlock sat on his bed making sure John wasn't going to disturb him he closed the door, he turned the music up so John couldn't hear what he was about to do. He found the wooden box he had hidden under his and John's bed, the box was filled with razors some old rusted and bloody, others clean and sharp. Sherlock picked the sharpest, and he drew it along the pale scarred skin of his fore arm, the warm red blood trickling down his skin. Again and Again and Again soon it became too hard to find any skin to cut but he just kept going, every word of hate, his brain telling him he's not worth anything a useless bastard who never cares John deserved better and Sherlock believed it. So he wrote a letter telling John good bye and sliced his skin one last time, blood pouring more than ever, and slowly blackness surrounded him.

John was getting worried Sherlock had been in their room for over an hour now, something was up. So he went and checked, he slowly opened the door,

"Sherlock?" he called, "Sherlock you..." he saw Sherlock's lifeless body lying across their bed, so much blood, and a note. John ran to his side and tried to find a pulse he did but it was weaker and growing weaker. John phoned for an ambulance, warm tears trickling down his face, he slowly picked up the note which read:

_Dear John,_

_My head won't shut up it never leaves me alone. It tells me you deserve better than a bastard, a freak like me and I say its right you do. John you changed my whole life, in so many ways but you need more than me a broken man, who hides everything about him because he's afraid everyone will laugh. So I'm going to tell you my every secret now it won't matter I'm probably already dead anyway so here goes: I'm a cutter, a junkie, alcoholic and a liar. I spent most of my teen years in rehab and fell in love but I got hurt so I shut myself up for what I thought, was forever but you changed that. My father used to hit me, my mother turned the other way because she didn't want to see it and Mycroft was too busy to notice. When I was 12 I got sent to a reform school because they thought I was crazy I wasn't I spent most of my life either in a hospital, rehab centre, or a reform school which kinda sucks._

_John when I said hero's don't existed I was lying you are one, you always have been but I'm not and I never will be so don't make me into one.  
I'm sorry I really am but I just couldn't take it anymore,_

_I love you,_

_SH xxx_

John cried harder, he didn't care what Sherlock was he was his everything. All he wanted was Sherlock to stay alive and be better. For him.

Sherlock opened his eyes slowly in the blinding white light, he heard John's voice

"Sherlock, Sherlock?" he heard him say he opened his eyes,

"J...John?" Sherlock whispered,

"shhh I'm here love" John said holding his hand,

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Sherlock said beginning to cry; John held him close and rocked him back and forth,

"shhh, it's not your fault" John whispered in his ear,

"yes it is it's my entire fault."

"Sherlock, Sherlock look at me. It's not your fault, you were hurting and I didn't see it." John said holding him tighter,

"You...you won't leave?"

"never love, never ever"

A/n: I hope you like this if you do I'll continue...


	2. Chapter 2

A/n: hey guys I know it's been ages since I updated this story I have like a million excuse that you probably don't want to hear so on with the story...

Disclaimer: aww fuck it why do I bother with these things you already know the answer...

John knew Sherlock was out on a case and that Lestrade would watch him so John decided to take a look around Sherlock's side of their bed. John looked under the bed to find anything sharp or anything that Sherlock could use to cut himself with, instead all he found were three cardboard boxes, a dust photo album and a small wooden box. First he checked the small box, only to find razors some bloodied and rusty others clean and sharp. He hid the box in somewhere even Sherlock Holmes would never find it; he then opened all three boxes and decided to see what was in them. In the first there were old papers and music sheets, empty photo frames and some shards of glass as if someone had smashed a photo frame, which he pulled out. The picture was of 4 people, two guys and two girls, the first guy had his arm wrapped around a girls waist, both smiling were as the other pair were laughing and what he guessed was messing about. The guy standing next to the girl looked like Sherlock, and then he realized it was Sherlock. The next box had old clothes t-shirts, jeans and about three different pairs of converses, completely untidy looking like they'd been chucked in. The last one had books in, loads of books all paperbacks. John sat on the bed and decided to take a look at the photo album.  
The first page was filled with photos of two young boys, Mycroft and Sherlock he guessed. As the pages went on, the boys grew older until he reached a whole new setting in the photos. Pictures of the same people as before, each in a different place and what looked like country, the last page had a picture of Sherlock and that girl he'd seen him with in every other picture standing under a tree, smiling. Underneath the picture was scribbled in blue pen and messy handwriting: _Bobby Smith, R.I.P we miss_ _you bob._

"I knew you'd find that stuff eventually" Sherlock said sitting on the bed next to John,

"Sorry I didn't mean to..." John started but got cut off,

"No it's fine..."

"Who's Bobby?"

"The girl I fell in love with...

A/n: I know short but there will be more I just thought a short chapter is better than no chapter. I'm trying to update every single one of my multi-chapter stories today so if you like my other stories there will be more chapters on them.


	3. Chapter 3

A/n: heya, I know its been a very very long time but I finally found time! Anyways I hope you like and please please pretty please review! In this story Sherlock used to be a musician!

XxX

_Italics- past_

_Sherlock took a swig of his beer, reading over the new song he was writing._

_"Getting anywhere?" Mycroft asked. Hed finally come home to see his little brother after 4 years, and Sherlock had changed so much._

_"Fuck off." Was all Sherlock had to say, picking up his guitar and checking it was in tune._

_"You know you shouldn't be drinking Sherlock. Your counciler said that it could become an addiction like the drugs." Mycroft said, his voice filled with concern. Sherlock had been clean for almost 2 months now, but he'd thrown himself into making his music, booze and silence._

_"Then let it. You wouldn't care, it just drags you away from your oh so important studies." Sherlock snapped._

_"Your not the 12 year old brother I left behind..." Mycroft sighed._

_"No I'm not. I've changed. 4 years is a long time."_

_"Yes. Yes it is." Sherlock just ignored Mycroft and began playing his guitar. Mycroft took this as a sign to leave his brother alone, he sighed and walked out of Sherlock's room. Mycroft heard Sherlock begin to sing, his voice was amazing. He never knew his little brother could sing, he really didn't know his brother anymore. Mycroft decided to listen to his brother's music and sat just outside his door, looking around the small corridor. They didn't live in a particually big mansion, in fact they lived in a crummy flat, in the worlds crummiest place, with a slightly too friendly drug dealer that lived next door. Not exactly the life style you would expect for the two, but to them maybe more Sherlock less Mycroft, it was a place they could call home._

"So, when did you meet Bobby?" John asked. The two were sat on the couch cuddling, whilst watch Jeremy Kyle of course.

"The piano shop, centre of town. Its still there now I think." Sherlock said, playing with Johns hair.

"I asked when? And why were you in a piano shop?"

"Ok, to tell the truth before the drugs but mostly after, I worked as musican. It was my passion and I worked so hard for it and then the accident happened and I just lost sight of everthing." Sherlock explained.

"Oh, why didn't you carry on?"

"Because everytime I sat in front of a piano, guitar, any instrument really, I was haunted by the memories. And sometimes it just hurt to much, so I turned to drugs again. It numbed the pain, it made everything stop, everything and that's what I needed I suppose." Sherlock admitted saly, looking down.

"Hey, listen to me Sherlock." John said. "Its not your fault, it never will be."

"But what if... What if I told her? What if I told her it was a bad idea to go? What if..."

"Sherlock you need to stop with the what if's! It happened and there's nothing either of us could do, if I could I would go back and change whatever happened, just to see you happy. I would Sherlock I honestly would."

"You make me happy, you have always made me happy." Sherlock said. "Always. But my head it just won't SHUT UP!" Sherlock shouted, John wrapped his arms around Sherlock and held him tight.

_She sat in front of the piano, her hands drifting over the keys. Creating a beautiful melody. Only the melody was half finished, it needed another person to finish off the other half, like two soulmates the pieces fitted together making a beautiful song_.

_And then he came and sat by her, he played the other half of the melody. They both finished the piece before looking at one another. She had raven black hair, and sharp green eyes. Every inch of beauty, he seemed mesmorized by her._

_"Hi, I'm Bobby Smith."_

_"I'm Sherlock Holmes."_

A/n: heya I know really short but it looks bigger on my phone so oh well! Please reveiw!


	4. Chapter 4

A/n: here's chapter 4! I hope you guys like! In this chapter there are spoilers for what happened to Bobby!

Disclaimer: i don't own Sherlock or the song used (why I'm using this song I don't know, I just heard it and it kinda remained me of Bobby...

_Italics- past or nightmare._

XxX

Sherlock's POV.

_I ran. Faster than I ever had before. I know I should've stopped her. I know is should've told her it was a bad idea, that she could get hurt or worse end up dead. I shook the thought from my head; no one would ever hurt my Bobby, not ever. By the time I reached the airport her motorbike wasn't there, I'd gotten here early. Her bike came round the corner, but it wasn't her it was someone else. John. I ran forward, screaming his name but it was too late. The car collided with the bike and his body went flying. There was no one anyone could have survived. My legs became weak under the weight of my body and I fell to the ground and screamed like I never had before..._

XxX

John sat bolt upright next to Sherlock's sleeping form. Sherlock was twisting and turning and murmuring under his breath.

"JOHN!" Sherlock shouted. John reacted immediately, holding Sherlock close to him.

"hey, Sherlock wake up. Its me , its John. Wake up." John said. And then Sherlock screamed, the scariest scream John had ever heard and all he could do was hold Sherlock tight. Sherlock's eyes flew open and he began to struggle in Johns arms.

"Sherlock, love. Calm down its me."

"John?" Sherlock said.

"yeah, its me."

"the bike... you were on it... and then the car and... and..and ..." Sherlock sobbed into John's chest. John held Sherlock close, rocking him back and forth, whispering comforting words in his ear.

XxX

_Bobby sat in front of the piano, sitting next to Sherlock. _

"_So, how's that song coming along?" Sherlock said, giving her a kiss._

"_I finished." Bobby said, excitedly handing him a piece of paper._

"_There's a place that I know  
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone  
If I show it to you now  
Will it make you run away_

Or will you stay  
Even if it hurts  
Even if I try to push you out  
Will you return?  
And remind me who I really am  
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side  
Do you love me?  
Can you love mine?  
Nobody's a picture perfect  
But we're worth it  
You know that we're worth it  
Will you love me?  
Even with my dark side?

Like a diamond  
From black dust  
It's hard to know  
It can become  
A few give up  
So don't give up on me  
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side  
Do you love me?  
Can you love mine?  
Nobody's a picture perfect  
But we're worth it  
You know that we're worth it  
Will you love me?  
Even with my dark side?

Don't run away  
Don't run away  
Just tell me that you will stay  
Promise me you will stay  
Don't run away  
Don't run away  
Just promise me you will stay  
Promise me you will stay

Will you love me? ohh  
Everybody's got a dark side  
Do you love me?  
Can you love mine?  
Nobody's a picture perfect  
But we're worth it  
You know that we're worth it  
Will you love me?  
Even with my dark side?" Sherlock read aloud. "wow, these are amazing." H e said.

"_thanks." Bobby said blushing…And so the two musicians played their melody of life…_

XxX

The next day Sherlock seemed to have forgotten about his nightmare or if he hadn't he wasn't showing it to John. Lestrade summoned Sherlock on a case. The victim was a 25 year old woman, she had long black hair and had a similar resemblance to Bobby. Or that's what she looked like to Sherlock and it brought memories back that scared him, not that he would let it show. They had only been there five minutes before Sherlock gave them their murderer. Sherlock and John were walking away from the crime scene when they both heard Anderson say behind their backs.

"No wonder that Bobby girl left him, he's such a freak." Anderson sneered. Sally on this one occasion didn't agree with him or say anything along side of what he said. Sherlock froze and turned to face Anderson.

"What?" Sherlock snapped.

"I said, that it's a good thing that, that bitch Bobby left you." Anderson said a little louder, catching the attention of Lestrade. Sherlock didn't say anything at all and just pushed Anderson into the nearest brick wall which was right behind Anderson. Sherlock whispered something in his ear which made Anderson go pale.

"got that?" Sherlock said. Anderson nodded, Sherlock let him down from the wall and walked away, giving Sally a small nod. Before taking John's hand and walking down the street.

"What was that about with Sally?" John asked as they were nearing home.

"She used to know Bobby in Uni. They were roommates." Sherlock said.

"so why does she call you freak?"

"she only called me that after… after the accident. We just started hating each other but still had some respect for each other." Sherlock said unlocking the door…

A/n: I know a short chapter. Why I used that song I am very very unsure! Anyway there will be another update soon!


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